


We were made for loving you.

by Lorirose



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-06 14:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17941829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorirose/pseuds/Lorirose
Summary: The Dingle's trust is fragile and their forgiveness is hard won. After everything Robert has done, he's not convinced he's earned the right to call them his family again. But an incident at the scrapyard reveals that Robert may be more loved than he realised.





	1. And I cry, to find a place to belong.

We were made for loving you.

And I cry, to find a place to belong.

Emmerdale

Robert Sugden.

 

 "I can't deal with you right now. I'm going to the pub. Pick Seb up later,"

The front door slammed shut with enough force to shake the foundation of the apartment as Aaron stormed out, Seb's stroller in hand. Liv sent me a dark glare and pounded up the stairs, muttering underneath her breath. Neither of them had given me a chance to explain. It hadn't been what it looked like. I'd kept my promises to Aaron and walked away from my schemes and lies. But Graham had an underlying intelligence that I had overlooked. He made me look guilty, made Aaron believe that I would jeopardise our future anymore than I already had. I let the folder that Aaron had shoved at me fall to the counter. Why could I never get it right? No matter what I did, it was always wrong. And now, the Dingle's would know every single sordid detail. Aaron never could keep quiet in his anger. It was just another strike against my name. 

Something else to hate me for.

Just once, couldn't I have someone on my side? After all this time, surely, I'd earned that. 

Deep down inside, I knew that I'd never have their loyalty or their trust. Sure, they said all the right words and smiled but it was all rehearsed. There had been days when Chas hadn't been quick enough to hide her glares and Paddy's whispered insults had been just a touch too loud. They were waiting for me to fall again. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was another handsome Doctor waiting in the shadows. I slunk down into the sofa, cringing as I landed on one of Seb's toys and sighed. I was so tired of being the villain, of constantly having to walk on eggshells around the people who were supposed to love me. So many times, I'd held my tongue and censored myself because their acceptance was so thin and I'd ruined it so many times. My tongue forked tongue was wicked and it had cost me Aaron too many times before. Aaron had promised to love me as I was but I knew he wished I could be softer, kinder, the sort of man he deserved. I swallowed back the sting of loneliness and stood to hunt for my shoes. 

"Liv, I'm going out for a bit," I called.

"Whatever," 

"There's food in the fridge if I'm not back in time,"

Liv appeared at the top of the stairs, all coiled anger and blazing eyes, "Of course there is. That way you don't have to sit with us to eat,"

I frowned, "It's not like that, Liv. There's just a lot going on right now,"

She looked suddenly wounded and it struck a place deep inside me that only she and Aaron could reach. I stepped toward her and she turned her back on me. I hovered on the bottom step, my hand clutching the railings, staring at the place where she had been. One day, I'd get this family thing right and I'd be perfect. Liv would never doubt me and Aaron would know that he was my entire world. But until then, I would have to pray that they could overlook my flaws and keep welcoming me home. 

..............................................................

I made no attempt to enter the Woolpack, not with Aaron's anger and Chas' maternal rage. There were no friends for me inside the pub right now and I didn't have the strength for a fight. I bowed my head as I neared it, the abandonment horrifically similar to last year when I'd had no one in the world. A frozen wind blew around me and I squashed down the cough that rattled in my dodgy lung. I would forever be a victim to winter's frozen touch. Tied to the day when my own brother had hated me enough to shoot me dead. Because I was wicked and I was wrong. Twisted and septic. But I tried so hard to be more. To be the man that they deserved.

A good enough husband.

A good enough brother.

A good enough father.

I wasn't ready for the day when they realised that I was still the same selfish man I had always been. 

"Oi, Sugden, I want a word with you,"

I glanced over my shoulder to see Cain charging toward me, that well known anger in his eyes. But when wasn't he mad with me? My existence was a source of scorn for him. I slowed to a stop and turned around to face him. It never ended well for me when I ignored Cain. He loved to hold his strength over me. My quick wits were nothing compared to his muscles and I had been at his mercy to many times before. 

"What is it, Cain?" I sighed.

"What have you done to Aaron?"

My stomach tightened, "We've had a misunderstanding, that's all. Is he upset?"

Cain snorted, "Like you don't know,"

"I need to talk to him. He didn't let me finish,"

I tried to step around him, had to find the words to reassure Aaron that I wasn't as guilty as he thought. Aaron's uncle shoved me backward with a well placed hand to my sternum.

"Not gonna happen. Go home,"

I spluttered out a cough, "No, let me talk to 'im,"

"Go home before you do more damage,"

He stalked away from me before I could say another word and the door closing between us sounded like a gunshot. 

More damage? 

Is that all I was good for? Dad had always thought that, even when I was young and full of shiny potential that had yet to be tainted. I would never be good. Always the outcast, the unwanted son. I didn't doubt Aaron's love, it shone in his eyes and in that special smile that was only for me. But I did question his ability to forgive me and to overlook the infected parts of me that couldn't be healed. I trudged toward the scrapyard, my head bowed and the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

..........................................................

I turned into the scrapyard with my attention fixed on my phone. Aaron had stubbornly ignored my pleading texts and my one to Liv only got a one worded answer. There was no forgiveness coming my way anytime soon. Perhaps it was easier just to hide away until I could sneak home tonight. Aaron and Liv would eat at the pub and I'd have only the television for company. I hated being so afraid. Hated waiting for my carefully constructed peace to shatter at my feet. 

The sound of metal scrapping on metal made me freeze. Something clattered to the floor and a man swore loudly. I crept closer, peering around a car to see a thickly built man tinkering with the door to the porter cabin. For a minute, I thought it was Ellis or Billy but then the man turned around and I got an eye-full of dyed blue hair. In his gloved hand he held a pipe. Adrenaline trembled through me as he fiddled with the window. I couldn't let him break in and steal all of Aaron's hard work and yet I knew that I'd be little to dissuade him. My phone was still clenched in my hand and I pressed the speed dial as quietly as I could. It rang and rang before being abruptly rejected. Frustrated, I rang back as the man descended the steps and neared my hiding place. 

"This is Aaron, leave a message,"

"Aaron! I'm at the scrapyard, someone's tryna break in. Get here now,"

I darted around to the other side of the car and the intruder walked by to grab a wrench from the bag I had missed. My nose wrinkled in disgust, what kind of amateur brought his kit and left it unattended? If I was in a better position, I would have looked through it for the identification I was sure was in there. The man swung the wrench at the door and the metal buckled and dented. I was out of time and options and took a deep fortifying breath before I stepped out from my shelter. 

"Hey!" I bellowed.

The burglar flinched and spun around, wrench raised and his other hand reaching for the pipe. To my surprise, he wasn't wearing a mask and I could see every scar and pimple on his face. I didn't know the man. He looked like a drifter, strung out and dependent on something I'd rather not know. There were deep bruises underneath his eyes and sores around his mouth. But it was the feral and dazed shine to his eyes that made me pause. There was barely restrained violence and desperation on that gaze and I had just sent it all my way. He stalked down the steps and I backed up a few paces. Where was Aaron? He can't possibly ignore every single phone call. I never called him more than twice after an argument. 

"Get out of here before I call the police!" I snapped. 

His gaze ran over me, focusing on my phone and the watch gleaming on my wrist. Unease trickled through me and I just knew the thoughts running through his head. I was well dressed, I had a nice watch and an expensive phone. A pretty boy who didn't know how to use his fists. Maybe I didn't but I wouldn't give up without a fight. He rushed at me, the wrench aiming for my head before I could really anticipate it. I side stepped him and a forgotten piece of wire tangled around my ankle. I couldn't stop him from crashing into me, barely managing to bring my arms up to protect my face and the wrench glanced off my forehead. The momentum knocked me off balance and I hit the dirt with a grunt. Agony laced through the arm I had landed on and stole my breath away. It was bad. I didn't want to move. The intruder pawed at my wrist and dug for my wallet. I lashed out at him and received a boot to the ribs a few times. I didn't see him leave but heard his footsteps crunch over the gravel. I heaved myself shakily to my feet, unable to untangle the barbed wire from around my ankle. A sudden wave of dizziness had me sagging against a car bonnet, the movement disturbing my throbbing arm. Gathering myself, I glanced down at my arm and instantly wished I hadn't. A sharp piece of metal had managed to pierce the flesh of my bicep and it gleamed in the sunlight. It was in a dangerous place. One wrong move and I could slice into something important. Blood flowed down my arm and dribbled off my fingertips. Shakily, I called my husband's phone and only got his voicemail. So I tried Chas' instead, convinced that she'd answer me if only to insult.

"Hello?"

“Chas!" I gasped, "I need-,"

“Can it wait, love? I’m in the middle of something,”

I stared down at my hand, at the gushing blood and the stained gravel. It couldn’t wait, there was a frightening blackness hovering on the fringes of my vision. I opened my mouth to tell her but heard her muffled exclamation on the other end of the phone. She sounded frazzled and irritated, everything Chas should never be.

I gritted my teeth, “Yeah. Sorry to bother you,”

“Thanks, Rob. I’ll see you tonight,”

She hung up and I let the phone slide down onto the hood of the car. It clattered into a rapidly spreading pool of blood. Aaron would be so mad at me. Nobody would want the scrap now. It was ruined. He’d never be able to sell it. I wanted to search for a cloth to wipe it up with but wasn’t sure I had the strength left. My legs wobbled under my weight and I slumped against the car. Something thick and wet dribbled into my eye and didn’t stop even when I furiously scrubbed at it. My hand throbbed in time with my heart beat and I scrabbled for my scarf, ripping it off my neck and tying it around my bicep. I had to buy myself a few more minutes. All I needed was for someone to pick up the phone and listen.

They couldn’t all ignore me.

Right?

I reached for the phone again, stumbling on unsteady legs and fumbling with numb fingers. I tumbled to the ground the moment I had the phone in my hand. It jarred injuries I didn’t know I had and I howled. Fire laced up and down my arm and into every single rib. I needed help that wasn’t coming. After all these months, hadn’t I at least earned a minute of their time? Aaron called them my family, said I was always welcomed and it had just been pretty lies.

Nobody forgives a cheater.

At the end of the day, that’s all I’d ever be in their eyes. The scum who cheated on a man as beautiful as Aaron.

What was the point in calling Paddy or Cain or Vic or even Diane? They wouldn’t come to me. Aaron wouldn’t even answer me.

I dialled the one number who had to answer me. The one designed to heal and help. Numbly, I held the phone to my ear, tugging the sodden scarf a little bit tighter but my grip was weak.

“999, what’s your emergency?”

“I’ve had an accident. I-I think it’s bad. There’s a lot of blood,”

The voice turned clinical, “Where are you injured?”

“My arm. It won’t stop bleeding. I can’t get up. I fell,”

“I need to know your location, sir. Sir? SIR, can you hear me?”

There was a buzzing in my ear and the world felt a thousand miles away, “W-what?”

“Where are you? Stay with me,”

“Emmerdale Village, uhm…the scrapyard?”

“Help’s on the way. Keep talking to me, what happened?”

But the stranger’s voice wasn’t enough to keep me tethered. The ground titled beneath me and I blinked up at a grey February sky. The gravel was sharp and cold beneath me and the melting frost seeped through my jeans. It was nice to feel something other than fire. Other than heart wrenching disappointment.

They would never love me.

 

                              _I was falling,_

_Screaming,_

_Tumbling,_

_Turning inside out and back to front._

                                                                                                            “Hello? Sir…hear…me…?”

_They didn’t care._

_Rotten to the core._

_I love them so much._

                                   “…BPS low…trouble…get him…ambulance….”

_I’m sorry._

_For everything._

_I wish I was a better man._

_I tried. So hard. For you._

_Can’t you love me?_

_Just a little?_

                              “Unknown male…. thirties…. severe lacerations…blood loss…”

_Aaron, please, I don’t want to be alone anymore._

Consciousness came to me like a sledgehammer of light and sound. The bed beneath me was scratchy and crinkly and there was a persistent droning beeping. I peeled open sore and crusty eyes and peered dazedly around my hospital room. It was empty and a surge of disappointment rushed through me. Why did I expect anyone to be here? I swivelled my head around to peer at the bandages wrapped tightly around my arm and frowned. It would be virtually impossible to work or even lift Seb with it like that. A chill shot through me. I was supposed to pick up Seb from Vic’s. That must have been hours ago. I couldn’t give the Dingle’s more ammunition to use against me. What if they tried to take Seb away and declare me an unfit father? I’d have nothing left. I scrambling for the oxygen mask feeding stale air down my throat and shoved it away. The machines beside me started wailing and I ruthlessly tugged the canular from the back of my hand, ignoring the sting. A nurse darted into the room and her small hands tried to force me back to the bed.

“Get off!” I snapped, “My son, I have to go home,”

“You’re still recovering. Let the Doctor look at you first,”

I didn’t want to hurt her as she fluttered around me, “You don’t understand, I need to go,”

Firmer hands joined the nurse’s and manhandled me back onto the bed. My head rebelled against the movement and I swayed a little. The Doctor before me was a man I recognised from long ago, from the day Aaron had almost drowned. I didn’t remember his name but latched onto his familiarity.

“Easy there, Mr Sugden. Just breathe, you’re ok,”

Beseechingly I stared at him, “I need to go home. I left my son at my sister’s. No one knows I’m here. They’ll think I left him,”

But he shook his head, “You’ve had a nasty accident. You need to rest,”

I tried to shove him away but my arm was terrifyingly weak, “I’ll rest at home,”

“That’s not a good idea. You’re a very fortunate man,”

“I’m conscious, so I’m fine. I’m discharging myself,”

He huffed, “I am going to have to insist that you stay here overnight,”

“Am I going to die if I leave?”

He dragged worn hands down his face, “Probably not,”

“I could call them for you,” The nurse offered timidly, “Make sure your son’s ok and get someone to sit with you,”

I nodded vigorously, “Yes. Call my sister, her name’s Vic, she’s one of my next of kin. If you can’t get through to her call Aaron or Chas Dingle,”

She smiled patiently, “All right. Who should I call for you?”

Aaron’s name was on the tip of my tongue until the anger in his eyes flashed through my mind. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t sure he wanted to be with me. I glanced at my feet, catching sight of yet another bruise and shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. Just check on Seb,”

I didn’t watch her leave, just heard her shoes squeak across the floor. The Doctor coerced me back into bed and skilfully reattached me to the wires hanging from my bed. I didn’t dare to look at him, to see the pity in his eyes as he realised that no one would come for me. That I was more alone than I had ever been. Because I’d had my second and my third and my hundredth chance and blown them all.

“You should fully recover but only if you take it easy,”

“I get it,”

He left me to my solitude without another word.

…………………………………………

“Oh, Robert you idiot,”

The familiar chiding voice made me glance over to the door. Vanessa stormed into the room and stared down at me. She looked frustrated and her hair was a mess as if she’d been running her hands through it. With light touches, she ran her fingertips over the stitches keeping my head together and across the bandage.

“Rob, look at you, are you ok? Honey, you had me so worried,”

Bewildered, I stared at her with wide eyes, “Ness, what are you doing here? Where’s Seb?”

She dragged the chair over from underneath the window and threw herself down into it.

“I'm looking for you! The entire village is searching for you. Vic got a cryptic phone call about Seb and Ellis found blood at the scrapyard. Seb’s fine, Vic’s still got him,”

I winced, “Yeah, I think I made a mess. Aaron’s gonna kill me,”

Vanessa stroked my hand, “He’s out of his mind with worry. What happened?”

Dropping my eyes away from hers, I shrugged, “Someone was tryna break into the scrapyard. I startled him and he knocked me around a bit. I think I fell on some metal and then bled on a car,”

“Why didn’t you call someone?”

“I did. Everyone was suddenly busy,”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her freeze, “What?”

I picked at the blankets beneath me, “Aaron and I had a fight this morning. He didn’t pick up when I called, Chas did but told me to call back. I suppose that means when Aaron’s finished being mad at me. Which could be tomorrow. I couldn’t call Liv and Paddy would probably say it was karma and hang up on me. Charity and Cain would just laugh,”

Vanessa cupped my chin and made me look at her, “That’s not true. Why would you think that?”

Sneering, I wrenched my face away from her and pinned her with a glare that I hoped was ferocious but felt sad.

“It’s the truth, isn’t it? I’m not one of you,”

"Yes, you are,"

I dug my nails into my palms, "Only when it suits you lot. The rest of the time I'm just invisible or a punching bag. Whichever is needed,"

“You've never been that to anyone. Why didn’t you call me then? Or Diane?”

I hugged my arms to my chest and ignored the burn, “I didn’t want to give you the chance to hang up on me too,”

“Oh, Rob,” Vanessa leant forward and wrapped slender arms around my shoulders, “I’d never do that. And neither would the others. I’m sure that there’s a perfectly logical explanation for this,”

“Maybe. I shouldn't be telling you this. I hate morphine,”

I wanted more than anything to believe her words. To be welcomed to their world instead of hovering on the edge, afraid to get any closer but terrified of being forgotten. Vanessa smelt of wine and cigarettes and I buried my face in her neck. A part of me roared in jealousy, she had done what I hadn’t been able to, despite all her flaws, she was accepted. The Dingle’s love was entirely dependent on Aaron and more often than not, he was upset with me. Vanessa walked her hands through my hair and hummed against my temple.

“Let me tell Aaron you’re here. Please,”

“…ok…,”

………………………………………………………

I dozed in the uncomfortable heat of the room, cringing at the medicated sleepiness running through my veins. It made me thick and heavy but at least the pain was nothing but a pressure. Vanessa stayed silently at my side, scrolling through her phone and occasionally showing me a Facebook post or funny video. Warm fingers caressed my cheek and lips touched my forehead. I opened my eyes to meet Aaron's teary ones and recoiled into the mattress. Aaron’s hand followed me and he shuffled along the bed. I held my breath as Aaron picked up my hand and pressed a lingering kiss to my knuckles.

I struggled upright, tugging on screaming ribs, “Aaron? Do you have Seb? I didn't mean to leave him with Vic! I'm so sorry,”

"Ssh, he's fine. He's staying with Vic tonight," He wilted and his breath fanned across my skin, “Don’t you ever do that to me again. You didn’t pick up Seb and there was so much blood. You didn’t even try to call me, what were you thinking?”

“You were mad at me. I didn’t want to bother you,”

Aaron’s grip tightened, “I am never that mad. Look at me, Rob, you can always, always, call me when you’re hurt,"

"I did," I hissed, alarmed to hear the wobble in my voice, "You hung up on me,"

A crease appeared between his eyebrows and any other day I would have tried to stroke it away but today I couldn't bridge the chasm between us. I pulled my hand away from his and shoved it underneath the blankets. Aaron bowed his head to catch my eyes and I hung my head and hid. I couldn't look at him when I couldn't believe in the vows we had made just a few short months ago. 

"My phone's dead, Rob. I'd never do that on purpose. You know that,"

I shrugged, picking at the table holding the needle in place, "'s ok. You can go now, I'm fine,"

The bed creaked as Aaron reached for my face and I turned away from him. In the window I could see his reflection, see the fright in his eyes and the hand extended between us. 

"But I want to be here with you. You're hurt,"

"I'll survive. I'm sure you've got better things to do,"

"Never. Haven't you realised that by now? I belong at your side, there's no where else I'd rather be. I love you,"

I sniffed, wincing as it pulled on a bruise across my temple, "Love you too,"

There was so much more that needed to be said. The words were on my tongue but I didn't know how to. How did I tell the man who had given me everything that I had never really stopped spiralling? That there was a well of self loathing and fear inside me that was so deep I feared I would drown in it. The door creaked open and the Doctor wandered in, his kind eyes twinkling at the people at my bedside. 

"Ah, Mr Dingle. It's good to see you again,"

Aaron frowned and his eyes cleared suddenly, "Oh, it's you! Hi. So, what's the damage?"

"Mr Sugden is a very lucky man. You've suffered a concussion from the impact of a blunt object,"

"A wrench," I mumbled. 

Aaron's fingers shook as he wrapped them around my wrist and held on tight. I let him take the comfort he needed from me. He didn't know that I'd been attacked. 

"That'll do it," The Doctor agreed, "There's minimal bruising to your rib cage and abdomen but there's nothing to concern yourself there. Your arm however, was a little more complicated. When you arrived, there was a jagged piece of metal embedded and it was dangerously close to your artery. We have managed to remove it without causing damage and you will heal in time. But there will be weakness for a little while,"

"We work in a scrapyard," Aaron said, "I didn't...oh, Rob,"

I smiled at him, "Hey, you heard the Doctor, I'm fine. A bit roughed up but I'll heal,"

"With rest you will,"

"When can I go home?"

"Tonight. The concussion isn't as bad as originally feared and your husband is more than capable of looking after you now,"

For some reason, the bottom dropped out of my stomach but I was thrilled to be leaving the stale room. Vanessa stood up and smoothed down her jacket. 

"I'll let the others know you're coming home. Aaron, can I have a word with you? Outside?"

"Uh, sure,"

Aaron pressed a kiss to my forehead, avoiding the stitching and followed Vanessa outside. She positioned herself just out of my line of sight but I had a full view of Aaron and the way his face grew pale. I shut my eyes before I could see anymore.

...................................................................................

Aaron's arms were careful around my waist as he lead me from the car and down the path. I almost didn't know what to do with the frightening softness he used when he touched me. His eyes lingered a little too long and were a little to shiny at times. I'd be hurt worse than this before and he'd never been so upset. I stumbled a little on an uneven paving stone and Aaron's grip tightened with a gasp. He pressed a kiss against my cheek as he steadied me.

"Easy, Rob, there's no rush,"

"I know, I'm sorry,"

Aaron sighed and his breath tickled my skin, "There is nothing to apologise for. C'mon, let's get you sat down,"

Liv was waiting for us on the sofa and she shot up like a rocket as I staggered up to her. There were silver tears tracks on her cheeks and her hands were hidden by the sleeves of her hoodie. I dabbed at the tears with the pads of my fingers, tweaking her nose until she giggled and grinned. 

"Can I hug you?" She asked. 

"Sure, I'm sore, not broken. Come here,"

I held her small body to my chest, swallowing back a wince as she squeezed me to tightly. Aaron lingered at my side, his hand tangled in my coat pocket. Liv eventually pulled away and wiped her nose on her sleeve, laughing at my disgust. I started to peel my coat away from my stiff arm but Aaron was there and eased it away with far more grace than I had. I creaked to the sofa and Liv rushed around me to fluff up the cushions and watched eagle eyed as I lowered myself down. Aaron dragged the coffee table closer and propped up my bruised leg. Bewildered, I blinked at the siblings as they rushed around me, Liv throwing a soft blanket over my lap and Aaron placing the remote and a bottle of water on the sofa beside me. I'd seen this panic once before, the last time I came home from the hospital with the remnants of the seizure still clinging to me. Aaron hadn't been able to leave me alone for more than a minute and Liv had moulded herself to my side, checking and waiting for a relapse. But it had never been this frenzied and they had never looked so guilty. 

"Guys, slow down for a second. What's wrong?"

Aaron stilled with another cushion in his hands and he squashed it ruthlessly, "What do you mean?"

Liv had my slippers clutched in her hands, "You've just got out of the hospital, Rob,"

"Yeah but I'm fine,"

I reached out and took the cushion away from Aaron before he shredded it and motioned to Liv to put the slippers down on the floor. She placed them carefully down beside me and then scrambled onto the chair she claimed as hers. Satisfied, that I'd managed to calm one Dingle, I turned to my husband. He stood a few feet away from me, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed. It always surprised me how a man of Aaron's size could make himself seem so small. I could almost see him trying to fade away and I didn't know why. The distance in his eyes frightened me and I scrambled for him, throwing out my injured arm because it was closer to him. He might be angry with me but he wouldn't let me hurt myself. 

"Don't move like that, hey now, ssh. I'm here," Aaron cooed, drawing closer to run gentle fingers through my hair, "You're ok,"

I nosed against his scruff, breathing in the smell of home. He settled back against the arm of the sofa, drawing me with him as if I was made of cracked glass. The radio played softly in the background and Aaron's gentle breathing lulled me into a doze. But the argument lingered in my mind, the wrath that would follow and how fragile my place in the family was. 

"Aaron, I'm sorry,"

"I'll bite, what for?"

I tried to pull away but he pinned me to his chest, "I upset you and Liv,"

The front door rang before Aaron could reply and Liv dashed for it. The recognised the steps before I heard them and sunk deeper into Aaron. Chas and Paddy would have to drag me away from my husband kicking and screaming. I sensed Chas at my side and Paddy on the coffee table, their eyes locked onto me. I hid behind my hands and in Aaron's neck. A hand settled on my back and it wasn't Aaron's. I froze.

"Robert?" Chas said. 

"No," I whispered.

Aaron leant closer to my mouth, "What?"

I held him tighter, this glorious man who was my entire world and couldn't look at Chas even though she tugged on my shirt and Paddy clucked above me. Didn't they know that without Aaron I would crash and burn into irrecoverable pieces? He was the reason I never gave up on myself. He was my everything.

"No. I'm not moving out. This is my home,"

There was only silence as my answer.


	2. By your side, we'll always stand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chas realises the damage she has caused and sets about healing Robert's broken trust. But what can she do when Robert isn't ready to listen?

We were made for loving you. 

By your side, we'll always stand. 

Chas Dingle.

 

I touched Robert's shaking shoulder and he froze beneath my fingers. Cowering deeper into Aaron's embrace and further from the comfort I wanted to give him. Robert and I had never been affectionate, he was too strong, too proud, to accept support from anyone who wasn't Aaron. I knew that and respected his boundaries but he had never hidden from me like this. We had our bitter, heart broken arguments but we were always family. In all the years I'd known him, I had never looked at him and seen spun glass. Aaron clutched Robert closer, nuzzling at his temple and murmuring private words only for them. Robert's brittle words faded into the silence and I shared a glance with Paddy over their heads. I pressed my hand firmer to his shoulder, trying to find a chink in the armour of Aaron's arms just so I could see him. Robert just hid those expressive eyes from me and wouldn't move even for Aaron's pleads. Liv huddled against Robert's side and clung to the bottom of his shirt. Robert barely seemed to notice her. I met her eyes and there was an accusation in them that I didn't understand. A protectiveness that I had only ever seen her unleash for Aaron.

"We don't want you to leave," I said and truly meant it. 

Robert snorted wetly, "Then why are you here? I've already said I was sorry,"

Aaron hadn't really told me anything about the argument they'd had. Just moaned about his husband before calling him an idiot and settling in for a pint. I'd seen the terror on his face when Ellis had barged into my pub, wailing about blood and glass and Robert's car. I'd never expected Aaron's terror to be reflected in myself. Somewhere along the line, Robert Sugden had made me love him. And it wasn't terrifying or disgusting. It was the warmth of rediscovering the man I always knew he could be. The quiet, loving man who wore mismatched socks and cared so much about his family. For months now, I had only allowed myself to see the worst of him because it hurt to much to banish him from my life. 

"We were worried about you," I told him, "Nessa said she found you in the hospital but wasn't sure how badly you were injured,"

"Didn't wanna bother you. I'm fine,"

"You've got a concussion and eight stitches holding your arm together. You're not fine," Aaron frowned, "He hurt you,"

Robert pulled away from Aaron and shuffled to put distance between us. Now, I could see the damage done to his face, the rapidly bruising forehead and the scratches to his cheeks. I couldn't see his injured arm and that just made everything worse. I couldn't heal the hurt with love. But I wanted to try. 

"Oh love, let me see,"

I reached for him only to have him jerk away like I'd struck him. My hands fell limply between us and a lead weight settled deep in my gut. I wanted so badly to hug away his pain, to protect him from the world but one look at his mistrusting eyes made me realise he'd never let me. Robert had spent so long lingered in the shadows but always there and somehow I'd lost him. He wasn't like my son, he hadn't known a mother's love in so long and there was nothing I could say to make it better for him. Paddy perched on the coffee table next to me, his leg pressed against my own and Robert's gaze dropped to his hands. Underneath the hurt and betrayal, Paddy missed him too. Their relationship was rocky and full of snap decisions but Robert had slowly changed Paddy's mind. I didn't think it was love just yet but it was affection. 

"Sorry," Robert muttered, "I'm...twitchy,"

Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I nodded, "That's ok. Do you need anything?"

Robert shook his head and winced, "No. I'm tired. Think I'm gonna have an early night,"

Aaron jumped to his feet, "I'll help you,"

Slowly, Robert stood up and I saw the pain flickered across his pale features even though he smoothed it out quickly. Aaron hovered so lovingly at Robert's side, his arm wrapped around Robert's waist and the other walking a well known path across his jaw. Robert was the only thing in the world that Aaron saw and it made warmth unfurl in me. They'd been through hell and back but they were so perfect together. I couldn't have been more proud. Aaron ushered Robert toward the stairs with a hand pressed to the small of his back. Robert paused on the bottom step and peeked shyly over his shoulder at us.

"Thank you for your concern but there's really no need. Vanessa shouldn't have called you, I didn't mean to bother you,"

He meant every word he said, the earnestness was almost to much. My heart withered in my chest and Paddy tangled our hands together out of the boys' sight. How had Robert drifted so far away from us unnoticed? Had Aaron been aware of it? If tonight hadn't happened, how long would it have taken for Robert to become a ghost in our lives? Nothing but a presence in the back of the room that was too afraid to speak. 

"It's no bother, mate," Paddy insisted, "We're glad you're safe,"

Robert's lips twisted into a parody of a smile that was bitter and warped. It hurt to witness it. Aaron bowed his head for a second and when he looked up there was a new purpose to him. My boy was so strong but I wasn't sure he realised how much strength Robert was going to need from him. From all of us. Because something was hopelessly splintered inside Robert and no one had noticed. 

"Let's get you to bed, yeah?" Aaron's voice was gossamer silk and Robert sunk into it, "Mum, Paddy will you wait for a minute? I need to ask you something,"

Unable to speak, I just nodded and clutched at Paddy's hand.

"Night," Robert murmured. 

 

The boys' disappeared up the stairs without a backward glance. They left silence and unease behind them. How had I let this happen? Robert wasn't a saint but underneath that bravado was a kind and loving man. And I'd forgotten him, only remembered the harm he'd done until it was to late. 

Paddy let out a long, heavy breath, "That...that...,"

Tears prickled at my eyes as I stared at the empty sofa, "I don't know. Did you see his face?"

"You mean you haven't noticed?" 

I startled at Liv's angry voice and turned to her. Liv sat curled up on the sofa with a cushion squashed to her chest and tears swimming in her eyes. Those eyes saw everything that happened around her and understood far more than we ever gave her credit for. 

"What do you mean?" Paddy asked.

Liv bit her lip and stared down at her feet. I leant forward and placed my hand on her knee, knowing that she wouldn't shake me off. 

"Tell us, love, please. We just want to help," 

Timidly she glanced up and dragged her sleeve underneath her nose, "It's like he's not all here. I talk to him sometimes but it's not all of him. It's the part that's polite and proper and all that nonsense. Kinda the way I imagine he was with that posh woman. But I don't want that. I want him. Ya know?"

And I did. I had seen the almost painful politeness before and the distance behind a smile. It had left me chilled and bereft. I'd shoved that encounter away because it couldn't have been the Robert I knew.

It had been rehearsed. 

Scripted. 

"Oh," I breathed and sat back, "I didn't see it before,"

"I miss him," Liv whispered and her lip wobbled, "He's here now and I still miss him,"

I wrapped my arm around Liv's shoulders, "Ssh, it's ok, ssh, we'll help him,"

Paddy nodded and squeezed Liv's hand. The determination in Paddy's face gave me hope that we could fix everything. That maybe Robert wasn't too far gone. The staircase rattled and I turned to watch Aaron methodically plod down them like the world was on his shoulders. But this was a burden he wouldn't carry alone. I wouldn't let him. I rose to meet him and he walked straight into my arms. He snuffled into my shoulder like he used to do as a child before Gordon tried to force it out of him. 

"Is he ok?" I asked softly. 

"Yeah, he's sleepin'. I need to wake him in an hour," He said as he pulled away, his eyes red and sore. 

"I'll do it," Liv chirped. 

Aaron smiled, "Don't frighten him. He's had enough excitement for one day,"

She grinned, full of mischief, "No promises," 

Aaron tugged on Liv's hair playfully as she skittered around him and disappeared upstairs. A door creaked open softly and Aaron sighed, dragging a hand across his face. 

"That's not her bedroom. She's gone to sit with Rob. He'll be awake again in five minutes," He moaned but made no move to interfere. Instead he smiled so softly, "That's good. I didn't want him to be alone,"

"She loves him,"

"I know. She always has. Even when everything was a mess, he was always her safe place. I hate that our break up took that away from them,"

I laid a hand on Aaron's shoulder, dragging him away from the dark thoughts swirling in his head. Those thoughts were some of the most dangerous things in the world. They had the ability to steal Aaron away from us, they almost had twice before. 

"That's in the past now. Rob's home with you,"

"And he's not leaving. Ever," 

The sudden ferocity was unexpected but understood. A year ago, I would have been trying to persuade Aaron to show Robert the door. But I knew better now. I'd break my own heart if I tried to force Robert to leave. Paddy stepped up to my side, standing tall in his new purpose. Aaron's eyes blazed with defiance, he'd fight to the death for Robert. And I'd be there beside him, defending the best I could.

"He's staying here," Paddy declared. 

I nodded and Aaron wilted, lifting up his hands to cover his face. I led him to the sofa and looped my arm through his. Paddy reclaimed his place on the coffee table and together we waited patiently for Aaron to surface again. 

"Why did you tell him to call back, Mum?"

I frowned, "When?"

"Earlier. He said he called you for help and you told him to call back,"

My heart choked and withered in my chest and I pulled away from Aaron with a gasp. I barely remembered the phone call, to caught up in the chaos of a busy bar to talk to Robert. Looking back, I had known that something hadn't been right. Robert had sounded breathless and frightened but I had shoved it all aside. Shoved him aside. I meant to call him back later but never found the time. 

"I...I...the bar was busy and Charity had wandered off. I didn't mean too...I'd never do that...,"

Now I understood Robert's heart broken expression. Betrayed but resigned that his mother-in-law had something better to do. Why hadn't I taken the time to listen? I would have been with him in a heart beat. Because of me, he'd had to face the hospital alone until Vanessa found him purely by accident. He might have been there all night. Had he been scared to call us? Afraid of another rejection from the people who loved him the most. 

"I didn't think you meant it, Mum. I know you didn't. But something's gotten confused in Rob's head. Nessa said she had to force him to let her call me. He thinks we only want him as a verbal punching bag,"

"That's absurd," Paddy scoffed.

"He wanted me to leave him at the hospital. Why would he think that?"

I knew that tone of voice. He was begging me to fix something I hadn't even realised was broken. I didn't have the magic words for him. I didn't know how to repair Robert's fractured trust in us. 

"Oh God!" Aaron cried and doubled over, gripping his head. "He doubts me. Us! He's waiting for me to leave him. That's what he meant earlier. Even as I was saying my vows, he didn't believe me. Mum, he thinks I don't love him. That I'm pretending, settling for him because he's here,"

I gathered him up in my arms as he started to wail and keen. His sobs ripped me apart and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I rocked him gently, unable to contradict him because Robert's thought process was sometimes as scary as Aaron's and he probably had come to the same conclusion weeks ago. But I wouldn't let either of them stay on this path. I detached Aaron and wiped away his tears with the pads of my thumbs. 

"Listen to me, Aaron. Robert's in a bad place right now and you can't let him stay there. It will destroy both of you. Paddy and I are here and we're gonna help, ok? You need to be strong. Robert adores you and you've got to fight for him. Got it?"

"Y-yeah,"

"And I promise you, I'll fight for him as well. He's one of us,"

Aaron sniffled and threw himself at me again, "Please tell him. I think I'm loosing him,"

I knew that feeling all to well. It was debilitating and all encompassing. The kind of terror that gnawed away inside and stole sleep and logic. 

"I will,"

....................................................................................................................

Robert wouldn't see me.

I waited in the Mill's kitchen for him with an explanation and the promise to never abandon him again. Instead, I only got a mumbled apology from Aaron who looked tired and anxious. I didn't want to force Robert to face me. Not when I sensed he was so fragile but it made desperation claw up my throat. I needed to see him. To hold him and reassure him that he was mine. That my love wasn't as fleeting as he thought it was. 

"I'm sorry, Mum," Aaron sighed, dragging a hand over his beard, "He's not feeling well. Tomorrow maybe,"

I nodded, "Tell him I hope he's better soon,"

Aaron humoured me with a smile and switched on the kettle. It was a clear dismissal that I had to take. I hunted through my bag and pulled out a brand new tupperware container. Aaron raised an eyebrow at me and I placed it on the counter top.

"Chocolate chip cookies. His favourite, yeah?"

Aaron softened a little, "You didn't have to do that," 

"I want to. He should have everything he likes. Let me know if he wants anything else. I've got the recipes for Gingerbread, scones, walnut cookies and could probably find some for a pie. Does he like cherry pie?"

"Mum, breathe. These are fine, they're better than that, he'll love them. Thank you. You don't need to buy his forgiveness with cakes though,"

I shook my head, "I'm not. I made my son-in-law his favourite cookies because yesterday he was attacked and he's hurt. I want to make him smile,"

The weight settled back on Aaron's shoulders, "You and me both,"

"He's not any happier?"

Aaron glanced up the stairs and for the first time I noticed the silence. The Mill was always full of noise, Liv gossiping, Seb squealing happily and Robert singing along to the radio. Today the house was holding it's breath in the calm before the storm. It was awful.

"No. He thinks he messed up. That he should have been able to stop the guy without being hurt. And he's worried he's lost me business by bleeding on things,"

"That's stupid. Nothing about yesterday was his fault,"

"I've told him that but he won't listen. I don't know what to do,"

"Keep telling him. Don't stop even when he gets angry with you. He needs to know,"

"But he won't listen to me. He won't listen to Liv or even pick up the phone for Vic and I don't know why,"

Because Robert was used to being alone in his pain.

Because sometimes, Aaron was to anxious to see what was in front of him.

Because occasionally, I was to cold and selfish when it came to Robert. 

Because Robert was afraid. 

And we let him be. 

.....................................................................................................................

"What about a party?" Charity asked. 

I rolled my eyes and dragged a cloth over the bar top slowly, "Aaron hates crowds,"

Charity flicked a crumb at me, "We're doing this for Robert though. Aaron will just have to deal,"

"I don't think that Aaron having a panic attack will help Robert," Cain commented. 

Charity chuckled and I threw up my arms in dismay. Cain leant back on his bar stool and wrapped his hands around his beer. A sudden downpour had caused the usual crowd to delay their visits and for once I didn't mind. Whispers about Robert's sudden absence had swept around the village and I had done everything in my power to squash them until I realised that people were worried. David asked if Robert was ill. Bernice asked what she could do to help. Doug made me tell Aaron that he was always there for either of them. There was no malice intended and I wanted Robert to hear them, to know that he was missed. I hadn't seen him for days and only seen Aaron briefly. So many times I had picked up the phone to call them but couldn't find the words to say. I'd stormed up to the Mill only to discover that my confidence was still at the pub. A new distance was forming between us and the boys and I hated it. 

"Why don't you just invite them over for a meal? Just you, Paddy, Aaron and Rob," Vanessa suggested, "The rest of us can make amends after you have. We don't want to overwhelm him,"

"You beauty!" Charity cheered and pressed a kiss to Vanessa's cheek, "Knew I kept you around for a reason,"

Vanessa blushed and played with her necklace. Paddy nodded next to me and I could see him working out dates and recipes already. I grinned, reaching for the phone to text Aaron when the pub doors flew open with a crash. The phone fell from my hand and clattered to the floor. Gabby all but fell in through the open door, her coat hanging off her shoulder and her hair a mess over her face. 

"Chas!" She cried. "There's something wrong with Robert. I can't get him to listen to me,"

I darted around the bar, tossing the cloth to Charity as I did so. Gabby's eyes were wide with tears and fright. I gripped her shoulders, my heart racing in my chest. 

"Where is he?"

"Outside,"

"Watch the bar, Charity,"

 

She spluttered but did as she was told and I followed Gabby outside and down the street. The rain had turned into a light drizzle now but I barely noticed. Gabby skidded around a corner and pointed urgently. I spotted Robert huddled against the wall and pawing desperately at his face. I sprinted to him but he heard me approaching and flinched against the bricks. I crashed to my knees in front of him, staring into hazy eyes that never saw me. His breaths tripped over each other and his chest heaved underneath his palm. I recognised the symptoms of a panic attack almost instantly, far to used to coaching Aaron through his. I didn't know that they had Robert in their clutches as well. Aaron had never mentioned it and I had no idea how to help him. Seconds ticked by and Robert kept slipping further and further away from me. A trail of blood snaked down his chin, a tooth had punctured through his lip. My hands hovered uselessly above his shoulders. Aaron hated being touched during one but Robert was far more tactile. Maybe he needed to be grounded by a loving hand? I shuffled as close to him as I dared. 

"Robert? Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

Nothing. 

"It's Chas. You're safe. I need you to come back to me,"

Silence.

"Sweetheart, concentrate. Look at me. C'mon, you're doing so well. I've got you. You're not alone,"

Green eyes snapped to me. 

"That's it. I'm here. You need to calm down, yes Rob, we'll do it together. In...two...three. Out...four...five. Good. That's good,"

"...Chas...,"

"Yes. Take a deep breath for me. I won't let you go,"

He sounded as though each breath was being pulled over broken glass but his breathing slowed and clarity trickled into his eyes again. The moment it did, a wall slammed up inside him and he turned away, his face red. He kept one hand clenched over his chest as his breaths faltered occasionally. I stayed knelt on the wet concrete, my eyes locked onto him. Aaron had relapses sometimes. I wouldn't let Robert fall back into that head space again. 

"You can go now, Chas. I'm fine,"

Slack jawed, I stared at him, "You just had a panic attack, love. I'm not leaving you,"

He lifted one hand and pressed it against the wound on his forehead, grinding against it, "I'm fine,"

I caught his wrist and held his hand in mine, feeling his pulse still racing, "You're not. I only want to help you, stop pushing me away,"

Robert snorted, an angry sound to cover the hurt I heard, "Don't lie to me. Get out of the way, I'm going home,"

I took a chance and cradled his face in my palms. He froze beneath my touch and I attempted to smile at him but he doubt I saw in him was excruciating. He feared me and I hated having that power over him. We were always, always equals. He was never beneath me. No matter what I said or what he did. 

"I'm not lying. I'd never do that to you,"

He just stared at me, his face open and somehow so innocent, "You have to be lying. Why would you wanna help? You didn't before,"

I squeezed my eyes shut and held onto this stubbornly broken man. The man who had torn Aaron's heart to pieces so many times but loved him so fiercely. Loved all of the Dingles in his own unique way that no one had ever bothered to understand. But I saw it now. I opened my eyes and smoothed a tear from his cheek. 

"I'm so sorry for that, Rob. The pub was busy but I should have let you finish. Nothing on earth would have stopped me from getting to you if I knew,"

Robert shrugged, "'s ok. It's just me. In the end I was fine. It doesn't matter,"

Had we taught him that? That he didn't matter? Sure, he'd made mistakes but then again who hadn't? None of my family were saints but we'd let Robert take the fall for it. Even now, he was taking the blame for something he had no control over. He cowered against the bricks, long arms wrapped around his knees to try and fend away a world that had only hurt him. I thought that eventually he would have to understand. Aaron married him twice. I gave him my blessing, smiling so widely that it hurt. But it wasn't enough. The wounds had festered in front of our eyes and no one noticed. I carded my fingers through his hair, hoping to offer him the comfort I knew he missed. 

"It matters. You needed me and I let you down. Do you forgive me?"

He scrambled for my hands, desperation carved into the softness of his face, "You didn't let me down. There's nothing to forgive. There was more important things that you needed to do. I understand that. It really is ok,"

And he smiled at me. Bright and beautiful. Meaning every word he said to me. And he couldn't have been more wrong. I bowed my head and held onto him tightly. 

"Oh, Rob. How are you real? It's not ok. You were hurting and I wasn't there,"

Timidly, he brushed his thumb against my cheek, so gently that I barely felt it, "Please, don't cry. I hate it when you cry. Why would you come for me? I know what I am,"

"You're my son-in-law and that's everything," He shivered and I realised for the first time that he wasn't wearing a coat only a thin cardigan. I stumbled to my feet and held out a hand for him. Warily, he stared at it, "Come back to the pub. You're cold,"

"I'm alright. I'll go back to The Mill. Aaron will be back in a few hours,"

I shook my head, "I won't let you sit in that house alone. Let me look after you, for once, love,"

"Chas...,"

I waggled my fingertips at him, "Trust me. I won't let you down again,"

He took a deep breath and slid his fingertips into mine. I helped him carefully to his feet and tucked his taller body against my side. To fortify my promise, I wrapped one arm around his waist and took as much of his weight as he let me. 

................................................

Paddy was waiting for us at the back door of the pub, armed with a dressing gown and a towel. Together we striped Robert of the drenched cardigan and manoeuvred his uncooperative arms into the dressing gown sleeves. I rubbed the towel over his hair, hoping to ring out the excess water without irritating his stitches. Robert didn't make a sound, he just watched Paddy and I move around him with big soulful eyes. I wanted to gather him up and squeeze out every single drop of self hatred and fear he had in him. But I couldn't do it alone. I led Robert into the back room, Paddy behind him with arms outstretched ready to catch him if he fell. Robert wobbled between us, his eyes never lifting from his feet. Robert was never docile and he was never silent. He always bounced back but maybe that was unfair of us to always expect it. Paddy had already laid out a fluffy blanket on the sofa and had unearthed Robert's old mug from the cabinet. Robert perched uneasily on the sofa, never relaxing back into it like he used to. It hurt me to see. This had been his second home once. He'd been happy here with us. I wanted the man that laughed at Liv's silly jokes and grimaced over Aaron's table manners back. Not the stranger he'd become. I swept his sodden hair from his forehead and peered into his distracted eyes. 

"Are you hurt, love?" I asked. 

"No,"

Paddy stepped in to peer at Robert's head wound. He nodded satisfied and gently eased Robert's arm out from the dressing gown. The bandage on his arm was sodden through and the fabric was stained a rusted red. Paddy sighed and Robert flinched away. I shushed him and supported his arm as Paddy carefully unwound the dressing. The gash was larger than I had thought it would be and an angry, vivid red.

"It's ok. I think he must have pulled it," Paddy touched Robert's hand and frowned. "He's colder than I would like. Rob, will you go and have a shower? You'll feel better,"

"I don't want one. I wanna go home,"

"No, mate, you need to stay here. We're gonna help you,"

Robert shrank away from us, "Don't wanna bother you,"

I gripped his face in my hands, "You are never a bother. Please, do what Paddy says. It'll help,"

Robert bit his lip again, his eyes flickering between us, "'kay,"

I kissed his forehead briefly, barely recognising that I did it but would never take it back, "Good boy. I'll find some clothes for you,"

I watched Paddy usher Robert to the bathroom with my heart pounding in my throat. Robert was a little more broken today. If we didn't help him then one day soon, he'd be nothing but a memory whispered about over the bar. The one we failed. The one we lost. As long as there was still breath in me, he would never be that. He was to important to fade away. I rummaged through the drawers in Aaron's old bedroom and dug out a pair of stretched out tracksuit bottoms and a ratty shirt. Paddy stood on guard outside the bathroom, the door cracked open just enough to hear Robert wandering around inside. I swapped the new clothes for Robert's wet ones and after retrieving Robert's wallet, phone and keys from the pockets threw them into the washing machine. I flicked television for a bit of background noise and sent a brief message to Aaron, reassuring him that Robert was fine and safe with me. After a moments pause, I texted Liv as well, fully aware that Gabby would have spun a horror story by now. Paddy appeared back at my side with a sigh and a shrug. 

"He'll be out in a minute. You ready?"

Ready to bare my soul? 

Ready to fight for him? 

Ready to save him?

"Yes. You?"

Ready to love him?

Paddy nodded and shoved his glasses back up his nose, "Always,"

Robert's bare feet padded down the hall and I turned the kettle on, giving myself a nanosecond to breathe. I found a Robert I had never seen before behind me. He looked lost, young and heart broken. A world away from the confident man I knew. The heat of the shower had brought his freckles out and his hair lay limp against his forehead, curling slightly around his ears. The tracksuit bottoms were a little to short for him, ending just above his ankles and the arms of the shirt had been stretched by Aaron for years. He hovered in the doorway, playing with the tie on the tracksuit bottoms.

I smiled at him as brightly as I could, "Sit down Rob. I'll bring you some tea,"

"Lots of sugar," Paddy mumbled out of the corner of his mouth. "C'mon mate. Let's get you warm,"

I made Robert's tea quietly, listening to Paddy talk softly about whatever nonsense floated through his mind. Robert didn't respond but he was listening with interest. I placed Robert's mug down on the table and took the empty spot beside him. Robert cast me a side glance and his shoulders dropped.

"You don't have to do this. I'm fine now. You must have better things to do,"

"There's nothing more important than you right now. We're exactly where we want to be,"

Confusion made Robert's eyes glow, "But why? You hate me. After what I did, I don't blame you,"

"No!" I denied so forcefully that he jumped. Paddy glared at me, "Damn it, Rob, no. We were angry with you. Aaron's been through so much and I had to protect him. But that doesn't mean that we hated you, that we weren't there for you,"

Robert's lip wobbled "I know. I'm so grateful that he had you to look after him when I couldn't. I'm so sorry. I messed everything up. I didn't mean too,"

"We know that, Rob. That's in the past now,"

"How can it be in the past? Aaron looks at Seb and sees what I did. You look at me and see Rebecca. The entire village looks at me as see a cheater. It's all I'll ever be,"

He collapsed into himself and trembled. I rested my hand on the back of his neck. Why hadn't I seen how guilty he still was? The blame was shared between him, Aaron and Rebecca. No one was entirely innocent but neither were they completely guilty. It was a messy time with lingering repercussions. I should have checked on Robert before now. I might have been able to prevent this breakdown. 

"That's not true. You made a mistake born out of grief and pain. Aaron told me what he said to you in jail. I know about the drugs. Rebecca took advantage of a heart broken man. It's time you let it go,"

"How can I?" He sobbed, burying his face in his knees, "I made him cut himself. Me. His husband,"

I flinched but held on to Robert, smoothing my hand down the length of his spine. "No. Aaron did that to himself. Please, please don't take the blame for that. It would break his heart to know that you have,"

Robert stared at his hands, "I hate myself for what I did. Why don't you?"

"Because I love you,"

Robert exploded from the sofa, all coiled anger and grief. He spun around and fixed a broken, blazing gaze on us. It made me ache to see it. Robert had never learnt that other people could adore him. He thought that Vic's love was conditional and that Aaron's could be taken away from him. He had no idea how important he was to them. To me. 

"What did you say?"

"I love you,"

He winced and his lips pulled back into an angry snarl, "Stop saying that! You hate me! You told me I was a monster,"

I stood up, braving the anger that I knew was nothing but fear, "I was wrong,"

"You weren't. I'm nothing,"

I grabbed his shirt, stopping him from orbiting away to a place we'd never reach him in. Paddy was on his feet as well, keeping a distance but ready to intervene or catch. Bloodshot eyes latched onto mine and I made him hold the gaze. 

"You're the man my son loves. You're the man that saved him over and over again. You're a stubborn bastard but you're one of the gentlest men I've ever met. You have never been nothing, Robert Sugden-Dingle. You're ours. Mine,"

"You won't ever be alone again, son," Paddy declared. "You're family,"

"I...I don't...I can stay?"

I gave into the urge to hold him and threw my arms around him, dragging his face down to my shoulder. And to my surprise he let me, folding himself into my chest and sobbing bitterly. Paddy's hand rested on his back and together we comforted him, silently reinforcing the love we had for him. We had been so wrong about him and it was time we showed him what it meant to be our family. He yawned suddenly, rubbing his eyes with his fists and swaying on his feet. I pulled away just enough to see his face. 

"Do you want to go to bed, Rob? You can stay in your old room?"

He hesitated and chewed his gum, "Actually...,"

"Don't go silent on us now. What do you want?"

He fidgeted, his face scarlet, "I don't wanna be alone. Can I stay here? With you?"

He peeked at us through his lashes and my heart melted. I let my actions speak and pulled him over to the sofa, shoving him down onto it. He sunk into the cushions and I dragged the blanket over him, tucking it down behind him. His eyes drifted closed and he murmured a thanks. I straightened up and his eyes snapped open to watch me, full of fear and loneliness. How could I leave him when he so clearly needed me?

"Sit up a minute,"

Sleepily, he pulled himself upright and I slid into the place beneath his head. Paddy understood my intentions before Robert did and pressed Robert down until his head was pillowed on my lap. As we expected, Robert fought the affection and struggled to pull away. But Paddy kept a gentle restraining hand on his shoulder and I let my fingers brush through his golden hair. Slowly, Robert relaxed against me and let out a sigh that made me smile. Aaron had told me drunkenly that Robert sighed when he felt safe. He'd never once done that around me before. I was overjoyed that he was safe with me. 

"Just sleep now. Aaron will be back soon and we'll be here until then," I soothed. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, son. We've got you," Paddy whispered. 

"Thank you,"

"Always,"

...........................................................................................

Thirty minutes later, Aaron barged into the room in a mess of panic and babbled questions. I lifted my gaze away from the reality show on the television and pinned my gaze on my son. 

"If you wake him up, I will ban you from the pub," I threatened. 

Aaron dropped his coat to the floor and crept around the sofa. Robert hadn't moved from his spot on my lap, content to dribble on my jeans and snore lightly. I played with his hair and brushed it into a style that I knew would aggravate him when he woke up. Aaron dropped to the floor and peered at his husband and some of the shadows lifted from his face. There were a thousand questions in his eyes and for the first time I could answer a few. 

"We talked and he understood a bit. We've got a long way to go, all of us have but I think we'll be ok,"

Aaron picked up Robert's hand and played with his wedding ring, "Thank you, Mum. Is he ok?"

I frowned, "No. But he will be. He so scared of being alone and I didn't see it,"

"I saw it but I thought he'd get better. That he'd realise I want him. Forever,"

I framed Aaron's face, his beard prickling my hand, "He's learning it, love. We'll get him there,"

"I want to hold him,"

Laughing softly, I rolled my eyes and let Aaron gently pull his sleeping husband back to reality. Robert stretched awake and his shoulders cracked as he moved. Aaron just grinned and pressed a chaste kiss to Robert's lips.

"Hey, baby," He smiled, "I missed you,"

"Aaron!"

Robert threw his arms around Aaron and knocked him backward with an yelp. Aaron's eyes held nothing but love and fondness for the man who stole his heart and it made mine glow. They were solid and ageless. My beautiful boys. 

 

 


End file.
